I Said Hello to a Tree!

By Renee F. Valdez

It’s true! I did say “hello” to a tree! I have actually done this more than once! And I have said “good morning” to a telephone pole, and “how you doing” to a light post! REALLY!

Learning to be blind has been a trip! Huh? You had to learn to be blind, you ask? Well, yes. I did. I mean, being blind is something that doesn’t just come naturally, of course, unless you were born that way, and even then, I’m not sure. But I wasn’t born blind. In fact, I was 48 years old when I lost my eyesight! Rather suddenly at that! And I will admit, I was pretty fond of being able to see! When you are a sighted person, being blind is really not something you aspire to be. It’s just not. You think kids sit around the playground saying, “Boy! When I grow up, I want to be a fireman!” “I want to be a Flamenco dancer!” “Yeah! I want to be blind!” No! I think not! Not that being blind is a bad thing. I’m not saying that.

What I am saying is that sometimes, coming from sighted beginnings, being blind is a big pain in the ass! (Yeah! I said it!) Things that were no-brainers when I could see, suddenly became challenges, to put it nicely. Like something as simple as pouring a glass of water, or, in my drinking days, a large glass of wine, or a caramel Smirnoff on the rocks! Go ahead, my sighted friends, and try pouring your next glass of whatever with your eyes closed! I dare you! How the hell are you supposed to know when the glass is getting close to full without it spilling over? I figured out that I could put my finger in it and when the liquid hit my finger, it was full! Well…this only works for my drinks. I don’t think anyone else wants my finger in their drink! Or what about eating a wonderful steak dinner? Now this took some practice!

For several months after I lost my eyesight, if I went out, which was only when my mobility coach, Joanne, made me go out to practice being blind in a sighted world, I got away with ordering safe foods that I could eat with my hands, like pizza or burgers! Then Joanne made me order a meat and potatoes and veggie and salad and bread dinner. Shit! It’s a real blow to the ego when you can’t find the damned Brussel sprout with your fork! (God, please don’t let that sprout fly off my plate!) I learned little tricks like asking the server to orient me to where things were on my plate-steak at 6 o’clock, potatoes at 3 o’clock, and those pesky little Brussel sprouts at 9 o’clock. Drink off to the right.

Sounds easy, right? Yeah, right!

Another thing I had to learn as a newly blind person was walking around in public using my white cane. I’ve seen blind people on TV and it looks easy enough. I tried to convince Joanne that I could skip this part of the training. She didn’t fall for it. She armed me with my first white cane based on my height, and out we drove to Old Town Alexandria. Although I wasn’t too happy about it, I resigned myself to the task and put my game face on! Joanne and I started at one end of Old Town and mercilessly, she made me wear a sleep shade just in case I could see light and dark. There are always so many people in Old Town. It is a great place to visit with cool shops and wonderful restaurants! It’s amazing how a white cane can part the people like Moses parted the Red Sea! I quickly learned not to follow the people, though! Damned jaywalkers will get you killed at a crosswalk! “Follow the sound of the traffic running parallel to you,” Joanne instructed. She would have me find my way back to where we parked the car and, in the beginning, I would get so frustrated, sometimes I’d cry like a big baby! I hate admitting to that, but it’s true. Here is some more truth…there were more than a few times when I actually got so pissed off-at the unlevel brick sidewalks; at the flower planters and bike racks and protruding steps that suddenly popped up in my path; at the fact that I lost my eyesight and had to be doing this godforsaken shit in the first place! WHY!?

“Why” is a luxury. Does it really matter why? When we actually learn the why, we call that retrospect, and even at that, whose why is it? Believers in a higher power say it is a lesson we are to learn from and share our enlightenment with others. I say, have them learn this shit on their own!

But I digress. Yes. I had to learn to be blind in a sighted world and be able to stay safe and independent and self-sufficient. With some good drugs, I regained some of my eyesight, just enough to get me in trouble! Sometimes, I leave my white cane at home when I go out and then feel like a dufus when I trip over something and come home with scraped up knees! Most of the time, I got this! Most of the time, I feel triumphant despite my newest “normal”. Unfortunately, although much less frequently, I still wake up, open my eyes, rub them, then rub them again, and it hits me…oh yeah.

Thank Goodness that moment quickly fades into the fullness and richness of my days.