The Universal Warped Sense of Humor that Broke Me Down and Built Me Up Again

By Renee Valdez

“Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.” - Helen Keller

Ain’t that the truth! It’s like I woke up one day and found myself…56 years young, blind, and still learning! WOW! And let me tell you, some of these lessons along the way have NOT been amusing! I believe that God, The Universe, and Mother Earth all have a very warped sense of humor! I mean, C’MON, MAN! The last time I looked up, not only did I have my eyesight, but I was 48 years old; enjoying a rewarding and quite lucrative career; traveling around the U.S. and Canada, training the “untrainable”-TSA Supervisors and Air Marshalls-and having a BLAST! And, I am happy to report that by day 2 of a 5-day intensive training, I had these tough guys and gals eating out of my hand!

It was October-is, 2013, when I began to notice a slight change in my vision, especially at night. I suppose I should have considered it a clue when I was driving into a 7-Eleven parking lot and hit the very large garbage can at one corner of the lot, head on! But no! I politely backed up, and tried my parking efforts once again and pretended like that trash can thing never happened! I never mentioned it to my Honey, Scott, or my best friend, Rachel. Then, on a midnight run to Micky D’s, I came to the 4-way stop not far from our home. As usual, I stopped. I looked to the right, then the left, then the right again. Seeing nothing in the darkness, I stepped on the gas to go through the intersection, and BLAM! Quite suddenly, the airbag deployed in my face after the car came to a very severe and arduous stop! I had broadsided a van, I found out later. But at that moment, sitting with the airbag in my lap, I, once again, looked to my right, where the thing I hit should have been, and I saw nothing. I drove forward to the next block, where there was a street light. I got out of the car, checked the damage, and delightedly saw that there was none, got back in the car, decided that the other vehicle left as well, and continued on my midnight mission to McDonald’s! Despite the fact that there happened to be a vehicle behind me who witnessed the whole thing and called it in, I was fortunate not to get charged with hit and run, by the grace of God, the Universe and Mother Earth! When I received the police report, I called the family I had broadsided and apologized and wished them well.

You’d think, after that crazy incident, I would consider my eyesight-or the lack thereof! It wasn’t until late December 2013, when my eyesight had declined to a dangerous level during the day, that I mentioned it to my Honey and my best friend.

Fast-forwarding through doctors not knowing what was happening; finally being diagnosed by the NIH docs at the National Eye Institute-VKH, a very rare autoimmune disease that affects Asians, Hispanics and Native Americans, which qualifies me twice-and mega doses of wonderful and dangerous medications, my eyesight fluctuated drastically for the next 5 years, taking with it my emotions, making me an emotional and psychological basket case!

The next four years was busy for me, my days filled with remembering to take my mega-meds, sitting on the couch with my fur baby, MJ, who never left my side, and Forensic Files-somehow, I found that soothing as I licked my emotional wounds. (The intro music still has that effect on me.) I was mourning and I was so deep in it. I mourned the life I knew and loved. My career, mostly. I loved what I was doing. I loved meeting a group of people on the first day of a training they didn’t want to attend and breaking the ice. I loved the experience of witnessing the hardest shells crack by day two when they started sharing their stories. I cherish the moments on days 3,4 and 5 when it was a safe enough environment to share a few tears with those stories. And when the training was over, I miss the hugs and the “see you again sometime” wishes.

All I could think, sitting there in the safety and seclusion of my cocoon, was that I had to find a way to close that chapter of my life forever, and the mere thought of it seemed to cut off the air to my lungs, making it almost impossible to breathe.

Early in my diagnosis, I stumbled on the Department for the Blind and Visually Impaired (DBVI). They came in like a lifeline providing air. I met my new Mobility Instructor, Joanne Laurent, a strong-willed little woman who, with her infectious laughter, kind spirit and constant affirmations (I called it nagging!), forced me to escape my cocoon for brief periods and taught me to use a white cane and not get hit by a Mack truck. Another powerhouse, Alex Castillo, came to my home and proved to me that I could cook, and clean my counters, and wash clothes and, and, and…

I think it was late 2017 when I stumbled once again. This time, it was Brian Miller. I can’t remember who gave me his email address, but one day, I mustered the courage and the will to email Brian. Much to my surprise, he responded with an invitation to meet for coffee. YIKES! It was time to put the lessons I had with Joanne to the test. I did. Meeting Brian was like falling backward onto a thick, fluffy, soft comforter. He had a way about him that was calming and welcoming and accepting and inspiring. I was bragging to him about my ability to once again be able to make coffee, my drug of choice, using my French press, even grinding my own beans! Well, he shared with me his mutual love of coffee and how he purchased his RAW beans from Misha’s Coffee and roasted them in his home with his own roaster! WHAT! HOW? He explained the cracking sound the beans made when they were close to being done and the aroma that filled his home. OVERACHEIVER! When he shared with me how he roasted his own beans or how he traveled to exotic places around the world, by himself(!), it was totally without arrogance or pride, it was simply Brian sharing a glimpse of his heart and spirit.

In March of 2018, I received an email from Brian telling me I had to go to this meeting. (I still have that email.) He said he was starting a Chapter for the National Federation of the Blind in our community. I didn’t want to go, but how could I say no to Brian? I attended that first meeting and it was God or The Universe or Mother Earth…or Brian, who made sure I was elected to serve as a Board Member! WHAT! Another lifeline. I am forever grateful to my friend…

The rest as they say, is history. I was connected and I became hooked. I started to venture out of my self-made cocoon more and more and began to feel a sense of purpose again. I attended bits and pieces of my first NFB State Convention and met a few people who became lifelines-Evelyn Valdez, Sandy Halverson, Bonnie O’Day, Joe Orozco-and so many more that would make this blog much longer than it already is! And I shared a little time with Tracy Soforenko at a legislative visit on Capitol Hill. He asked questions. I told him about my period of mourning, my hopeless journey into blindness, my desire to be useful and fulfilled once again. As I spoke, I really didn’t see how that could happen in my life. I was looking through the lenses of my past and I could not fathom how I could ever be like Evelyn or Tracy or any blind person who laughed and smiled and lived their lives…

Tracy listened to me. He continues to challenge me to spread my wings. Today, as Secretary/Treasurer of the Greater Alexandria Chapter, a position that I absolutely love; a student in the Chapter Leadership Institute; Mentor in Project RISE; Coordinator of the 2021 Mini BELL Program; Co-Chair of the NFBV Fundraising Committee; and member of the NFBV Diversity, Equity and Inclusion Committee, I am feeling fulfilled and I am happier than ever! I have a sense of true belonging. I have a mission.

I believe that God, The Universe and Mother Earth, in their warped kind of way, know what they are doing. And I believe that Helen Keller was right. To be fully understood, life’s lessons must be lived…and savored.